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The Way is Reciprocity
July 17, 2011
Bred in the so-called civilized world, we tend
to put much emphasis on etiquette. We stumble over ourselves to say
“thank you” and “howdy-do”, never wishing to mistakenly offend, even
at our own expense. But for those of us who have lived beyond the
borders of those pseudo worlds, we have learned that the nice guys
always eat last.
Sympathy almost does not translate into the
local dialect, expect none of it. Our tendency to be considerate
will be a weakness exploited until we grow tired of bending over
backward. No one will ask if your back hurts and no one will offer
to share your load, rather, more and more will come with their
problems for you to fix.
In my observation, those returning with family
here, be it Ghanaians or Africans born in the Diaspora who are
married to Ghanaians, usually have it the hardest, as they feel
compelled to satisfy the demands of the family. I, who will soon
marry a Princess from Ghana, know better than anyone how important
it is to foster relationships and to expand our family by including
members from those that we meet and come to love, but it is also
very important that you don’t let mere relations to indebt you to a
person or people. Learn that it isn’t always necessary to oblige,
not always necessary to acquiesce to someone else’s tradition,
simply because it is called a tradition, nor should you feel
obligated to assume any burden greater than you can bear. You will
know your true family by how they reciprocate your efforts. For
everything you can do for your ‘family’, they too can do for
you, in numerous ways. Recognize that Africans are abundantly
rich. Seek partners and extended family members wisely, do not pair
yourself with dependents. And please don’t assume that you can
trust someone because they are ‘family’. Since when has that
validated anyone?
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